A case of mistaken identity

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The assumptions:

1. J is the only J in the town I live in. (He is not. The town is small, but not that small. His name is not that unusual.)

2. J lives on Cherry street. (He used to, but has not since last April.)

3. I am J’s girlfriend. (Again, used to, but no longer.)

Ok, with that information when the sheriff’s department responds to a bar fight late on a Saturday night to our small town and the responsible parties are no longer on the premises and all you have to go on is a single first name and a street name you would obviously give J and my FULL NAMES to the sheriff as the parties involved, right?

F you people!

Oh sorry… So Monday morning I get a phone call from the county sheriff asking if I am okay. Telling me they have a report from my neighbor that the neighbor had to help me break into my house on Saturday night. Asking if I would like to press charges against J.

When I say to him that I have no idea what he is talking about, he tells me “It’s okay. You do not have to press charges. My job is simply to make sure that you are okay since we have this report from your neighbor.” I can tell he is ready to end the call at that point. But now that he has told me multiple times the neighbor swears they had to help me break in a window to get into my house on Saturday, and I know that *I* was not home on Saturday evening, I am starting to worry about what may or may not have gone on with Princess Girl while I was out.

So I keep him on the phone. I ask for more information. I tell him I am concerned for my 17 year old.

He asks me where I was Saturday. I tell him the East Village (about 25 miles from our small town). He asks me if I am seeing J. I tell him I used to, but haven’t been for some time. He asks me if I was in Duey’s Saturday night. I tell him no.

With each question and each answer I can tell he doesn’t believe a word I am saying. But as he continues to talk the story unfolds. J was in Duey’s on Saturday night. He got into a fight. He punched the bartender. We went home. There was a further incident between us. He took off. I was apparently left stranded. I couldn’t get into my house (on Cherry St). The neighbor helped me break in.

I emphatically tell him this was not me. He thanks me for my time, he will follow up with J, but if I do not want to press charges that is my choice.

I immediately call J. “So what did you do on Saturday?”

“Went to the bank, washed my truck.”

“No, Saturday night. I saw you at card drawing, but that was at 5. You were there when I left, what did you do after?”

“Went to get a burger and was home in bed by 9… why?”

I tell him the story. He is not real excited that he is named as the assault-er in two different incidents. He is going to call the sheriff.

About an hour later he calls me back. The sheriff was an ass, would not give him any information. Did not believe what J had to say (He’s the accused here, remember.) So J called the bar, talked to the owner. She called the Saturday night bartender who told her the same story the sheriff told me. ONLY WITH DIFFERENT PEOPLE. So the bar owner/bartender were going to contact the sheriff and let him know the incident did happen, but neither J nor I were involved in any way.

Gee, you think?

It was after 5pm before I received the follow up phone call from the sheriff apologizing for the mistaken identity. Stating that both our names had been thoroughly removed from the police reports, but how could he believe us. It was obvious we were lying when I said I hadn’t seen J for several months and yet when J called he said he saw me that night.

Yeah, dumbass. You asked if I was dating him. I said in the past, but not for several months. I saw him Saturday at 5 pm for 5 minutes. Not the same thing. (I skipped the dumbass part when I said it to the sheriff.)

He got all blustery for a second and said something about different wording. Whatever, dude. He apologized again, and got off the phone.

I wonder if I need to follow up in a week or so to make sure my name really is removed from those reports.

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1 Response so far »

  1. 1

    Candice said,

    Yeah, I’d follow up. OMG, only in PB.


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